Tuesday, March 30, 2010


It's been a while since my last post and tonight seemed like the opportune time to indulge in a little wordvomit. I've been unable to write recently, first because of some technology issues, and second simply because I've been stagnated by depression over the state of...well, my state.

Recent developments in the NJ State House have made me feel like Public Enemy #1. Somehow, the horrendous state of the NJ economy is my fault for wanting to, oh I don't know, pay my bills, perhaps? The media has hyped up the governor's anti-teacher rhetoric so badly that I feel that I'm constantly on the defense, even when I simply go out to lunch. All around me, people are complaining about "those damn teachers" and how our union is "too strong" and we're a bad thing for this state. I'm sorry...I wasn't aware that preparing the youth of NJ for a worthwhile future was a subversive act. The idea that everyone in the state (or so it seems) begrudges me the medical benefits that saved my life, or the hard-earned pension which will still require me to work part time to pay my bills after I retire actually has made me sick to my stomach lately. Now they want me to take a wage freeze next year. I no longer get automatic raises and depend on a longevity increase every five years, with next year's to be my last. My wages have been frozen, so to speak, for the last five years. But I'm greedy; excuse me. I actually thought I was doing important work for which I should be rewarded with a fair and equitable income that would pay my bills. Silly fucking me.

Ok, rant over now. On to other stuff. Which is a nice word for me...stuff. I once directed a production of one-acts and vignettes which I billed _Stuff_, as it was really a conglomeration of various ideas and genres. It was fun, and enabled me to work with some fun kids. Stuff has always been one of my favorite words, as it is such a utilitarian word. It can do any number of jobs in the language, and yet doesn't pin one down too much. I'm fond of not being pinned down lately, since I'm really seriously considering what I'll do when I retire from teaching. With all the economic flak lately, I was afraid I'd have to put that retirement date off, but I realized that no matter what is done to my salary or pension, I really will need to retire on schedule. I've loved teaching, but really, I will need a change in three years, so June of 2013 is my target retirement date. Of course, if the business of education gets any more ridiculous, I might go out in April of that year, since that's my actual anniversary date. Guess I'll have to wait and see. So now I'm left to consider what to do with my life. I can empathize with my seniors, looking forward to a future filled with promise and the unknown. I like it! Guess it's time to think about what I want to be when I grow up.

Well, this post has been a little scattered, but that's been my state of mind for a couple of weeks now. I need this spring break, just to have some time to get my head back together. I promise my next posts will be a bit more focused.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Technology Smechnology

Technology's really got me bumming today. I cannot access the internet on my school computer, so all those papers I was going to download and print out are going to have to wait. I'd do them on my home computers, but they're all dying a slow, painful death as well. The worn out laptop on which I'm writing this blog post is slow as molasses and pretty wonky, but it's all I've got right now. I just needed to vent about this because everything I've touched both yesterday and today has pretty much fallen apart in my hands. Not a good feeling. Oh, and I'm not just talking about technology, either. The food I tried to make for dinner last night literally crumbled in my hands. I gave up and went to bed around 9 pm last night simply because I couldn't take any more epic fail in my life.

So this afternoon, I tried to connect again. Still not working. I asked the tech guys at school why. They don't know. No reason for this. Really? They threw out a few suggestions, and I have to admit, it felt good to say I'd already tried all of those things. Then again, it made me feel bad because I'd already tried those things and I still can't connect to the internet.

So tonight, I'll spend time safeguarding the stuff on my school computer, backing up or moving files, and getting it ready for what may have to be an overhaul. In the meantime, I've got to end this post...this computer is driving me crazy.